No Dog's Land

I noticed that the First Dog, Bo, did not get to go to Yellowstone or the Grand Canyon with the President and his family. I cannot help but to think that Bo's absence was a result of the draconian policy of not allowing dogs in national parks. I, Poppy, am against this policy.

That is not to say that I myself would really want to go to a national park. I am a city dog. I went hiking twice when I was a puppy. The first time I was too little to walk the whole way, so Mommy carried me for part of it. The second time I found a patch of wildflowers and would not move from that spot. I very much resembled Ferdinand the Bull -- same shape, same posture, although much smaller.

I am against this no dogs on federal land policy because it separates dogs from their people. Poor Bo had to stay at home in the White House (how fun could that be?), far from his family. I am a Family Values Pug (not affiliated with the Blue Dog Democrats), and I think that this policy undermines the sanctity of the dog-family relationship. It is just wrong.

Breaking News: The Obamas Have a Dog

Finally, the president has appointed a new White House Dog. I am happy that canines will be represented in the president's shadow cabinet. I am also happy that the president has achieved this goal within the first 100 days of his administration. Not to have appointed a dog by then would have sent a message to all Canine-Americans that we are not the priority that we think we are. I, Poppy, had better be a priority or I will scold you. I did not want to have to scold the president.

This new dog is a Portuguese Water Dog, a gift from Senator Kennedy, who himself is a lover of Portuguese Water Dogs. Portuguese Water Dogs are retrievers and are best known for retrieving baseballs that are hit out of Candlestick Park and into McCovey Cove. They are manly dogs, and not "yippy," as the president had feared a hypo-allergenic dog might be.

Style

Governor Jindal gave me a very nice compliment last week. His speech to the country entitled, "Americans Can Do Anything" was written in my style. It had simple words, was easy to understand, found no room for abstraction, and came off as naive.

He also delivered the speech in my style -- sort of in the sound you might use when reading a children's story to a kindergarten class.

The Governor probably borrowed my style because in politics, a human wants exactly what a pug wants -- to be liked. Pugs know what politicians know -- that if you wag your tail, smile, pander, and beg -- just a little -- you can get what you want.

Political Instincts

I, Poppy, do not like the junior senator from Illinois. I saw him on T.V. last night and I barked at him. I barked at him and didn't stop barking until he disappeared from the screen.

Pug Cameo in "Sex and the City" Movie

There is a pug in the "Sex and the City" movie. The pug is in the scene where the blonde lady gets her fur coat covered in blood during New York fashion week. The pug is being carried by a lady who tells the blonde lady that she is being cruel. This is an heroic pug. Very brave to stand up to fashionistas.

I, Poppy, am ambivalent about the anti-fur movement. On the one hand, I have very pretty fur and do not want to part with it. On the other hand, I am not always in solidarity with other creatures with fur coats. I really, really like my lambskin rug. It is very soft. Warm in the winter, cool in the summer....

Clear Mandate

Have no fear. Poppy's Blog will continue to bring you incisive political commentary even though the election is over.

Chief on my mind is the appointment of a First Pet. On election night, I was pleased to hear that the President-Elect is going to come through on one of his campaign promises and bring a puppy to the White House. In fact, there was obviously a clear mandate among the segment of the population that felt strongly about the importance of the appointment of a First Pet (that is, Malia and Sasha Obama and I); there must be a dog in the White House.

However, the election has been over for three days and no First Dog has been appointed. I hear speculation when the radio is on, and when the Humans are watching The Colbert Report, but I have yet to see action taken. It seems to me that such an appointment is an immediate need, especially given the fact that the President-Elect is now receiving intelligence briefings. A First Dog would give him solace. Unfortunately, the President-Elect has only appointed a Chief of Staff and a transition team. None of them are canine.

This state of affairs is causing me concern as I am wondering if we can expect such slow moving from an Obama administration. When Poppy barks, she expects people to listen.

Celebration

While the humans celebrate with champagne, I have run away with the cork.

Winner

I, Poppy, project that Barack Obama will be the next President of the United States.

Some More Election Night Coverage

A subdued attitude in the house. I was chased away from an empty take out box. My Daddy keeps changing the channel to Fox, so that he can gloat while Brit Hume and Juan Williams try to figure out what went wrong.

Election Night 2008

Even More Election Night Coverage

I am now closer to the plate. I am on the edge of the sofa, looking down on the coffee table. The tension in the room is so thick you can cut it with a knife.

More Election Night Coverage

There is food here. People are eating in front of the t.v. That means the food is on the coffee table -- in close proximity to my nose.

Some one's plate is sitting there, unattended. But there are lots of humans in the room. I cannot sneak over and take something off of the plate without three people seeing me. So I'm lying here on the sofa, close to the plate.

Maybe the humans will all leave the room at once so I will be alone with the plate.

Election Night Coverage From Poppy's Blog

This is an exciting night at my house. Mommy's class was canceled so both of my parents are home. My Uncle R. is here. I am getting a lot of attention.

There is a lot of knocking on wood tonight, so I am on alert. Knocking wood sounds like a knock on the door. When I hear knocking, I bark. I do this so that I can welcome whomever might come to the door and so that I can help scare away the evil spirits that might be hearing hopes that they want to quash.

I am hoping that there will be treats. Knock wood.

Another View of Foreign Relations That I Share With Sarah Palin

Another thing I share with Sarah Palin is a myopic view of the world brought about by not having ever been anywhere. For the record, Governor Palin has been to Canada, which she can see from her state, and Mexico, which she cannot see from her state. She has also been to Kuwait. Mommy flipped the globe over so I could see the Northern Hemisphere and then showed me that Kuwait is on the other side of the world from Alaska.

I, Poppy, can see the children of Mexican immigrants from my front door. I see them at the school. I hear them speaking Spanish. I have lived in two neighborhoods, and have been on the trip of a lifetime to Breckenridge. I often go to Commerce City, and have spent considerable time in Littleton.

In all, I am a sophisticated pug.

Sarah Palin's Reasoning is Just Like Mine

I, Poppy, would like to point out a habit of mind that I share with Sarah Palin, the Governor of Alaska and Republican Vice Presidential Nominee. (I also share a chromosome with her, but that doesn't really matter, as Gloria Steinem has pointed out). Fans! Sarah Palin thinks like a five year old pug!

As you will remember, part of my reasoning for endorsing Senator Obama is that he is taller than Senator McCain and therefore would be better protection if we were walking down the street together toward Vladimir Putin. And I am sure you remember that Governor Palin has said that her state's proximity to Russia is a cornerstone of her foreign relations experience.

Well, a few days ago when Katie Couric interviewed the Governor, she asked her why she thought such proximity was important to a person's foreign relations experience. Fans, Governor Palin answered as I would! She said that when Putin "rears his head" he goes to Alaska.

We are going to need some one very big to stand behind.

I, Poppy, Announce My Endorsement for President of the United States

It has been a very exciting election year for me. The Democratic National Convention was in my town, and I got to take a walk and see what it was all about. The conventioneers on the street liked me a lot. The anarchists were particularly fond of me. I did not really like the anarchists, though. I, Poppy, am all about law and order. I like to lay down the law, and if there is no order, I get anxious. The anarchists tried to pet me, but I was aloof.

Such behavior is atypical for me. I usually love everybody. I was having a bad time picking a candidate to endorse, as I always go up to everybody and kiss them or ask for a pet. I was even thinking about endorsing both candidates and Ralph Nader, too, because I have so much love to pass around.

But I am a dog, a pack animal. The rule about dogs is very simple, and has been passed down to humans by dog experts, like the Dog Whisperer and the Monks of New Skete. That rule is that we are always looking for a leader. We will follow any leader who presents himself, but if there is none present, we fill the gap by taking over. Simple. The need for direction in a dog takes precedence over the natural love that a dog feels. In fact, the love a dog has to give grows out of the direction that the dog is given.

I have applied this pack leader rule to the two presidential candidates, for what is this election about other than finding a pack leader for the United States?

Fans, John McCain is not a United States pack leader. He wants to cancel the debate with Barack Obama. What sort of behavior is this? He backs down from a fight at a crucial time? What if he needed to talk to say, Vladimir Putin, who is very scary? The United States needs a pack leader that it can hide behind when the big Russian dog walks down the street. (Much like I do when my mommy takes me for a walk and I see a big dog coming my way -- I walk behind her). I was also offended by the Hockey Mom whom he picked to be his running mate. She compared herself to a pit bull, which is utterly wrong. Pit bulls are more gentle. They are also smarter and know more about campaign finance than she does. Plus, they know when lipstick does nothing for them.

So I turn to Barack Obama and see a pack leader who does not back down from a fight. He is very tall, so we can hide behind him when Vladimir the Russian Mastiff breaks out of his yard. I, Poppy, know about submitting to the alpha dog, but there is no reason the alpha dog has to be mean, like Vladimir Putin. He can be nice, like my brother Duncan. Barack Obama is that sort of alpha dog. And we need that, as the United States is way on its way to omega. I mean it. It takes one to know one. Plus, he has little girls who I whom I would very much like to take me for a walk and play with me.

This is what I would do. I would vote Obama for America.

Obama Dog Update

The winner of the important AKC Obama family dog election is the Poodle. Please look to previous posts to see that I, Poppy, endorsed the Poodle as the Obama family dog.

Obama Dog

I live in Denver, not very far from Invesco Field at Mile High, where the Big Speech will be made. This means that there have been very important issues on my mind lately. Those are,

• Since Mommy's professors are canceling class that night does that mean I get fed twice that day?
• What is the affect of tear gas on big, bulging eyes?
• For how long are all of those helicopters going to continue flying over our neighborhood?
• What breed of dog are all of those people who voted on the AKC web site going to pick for the Obama family?

Voting is over, so if you didn't exercise your right, you are going to have to wait until another dogless individual gets nominated by a major party. You can go to the AKC web site and see who you could have voted for, or I, Poppy, could just tell you right here on Poppy's Blog who would be the best First Dog.

First, let me be clear that the AKC erred in not suggesting a pug for First Dog. As support for this decision they gave us the reason that the little Obama girls have allergies. It is true that pugs are dander machines, but we do have large personalities, which Senator Obama is going to need to offer to the press when, as president, he finds himself in a sticky wicket. They don't call it wagging the dog for nothing.

It has been suggested to me that I not dwell for too long on that which is not mine to have, like Duncan's food. I have not given up that option. However, I will turn my attention to the other breeds of dogs that were in contention for this hallowed role.

The nominees are: the Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier; the Poodle; the Bichon Frise; the Chinese Crested, and the Miniature Schnauzer.

I, Poppy, have only met representatives of the Poodle breed. So, there. The Obamas should get a Poodle.

How Many Residences? What Does This Mean?

The radio is an important source of information for me. For example, in the morning it tells me when I am going to be fed. I know that the first time it comes on in the morning I am not going to be fed. I have to wait for the third or fourth time it comes on until one of the Ones With Thumbs feeds me. Occasionally, I ask to be fed after the first time the radio comes on, but that is rare, because I really never get anywhere with that. It is just sort of like procedure in a lawsuit. I petition to be fed. The court says no.

Additionally, the radio tells me when my parents are leaving for the day. When they shut it off, I know that I am going to be shut in the mud room.

Despite the radio as parental cipher, Fans, this post is not about the radio, but about what I heard on the radio. John McCain does not know how many houses he owns. In fact, he must have his staff tell him how many residences he keeps. This information is a distress to me. Why, you ask, should this distress me, for I, Poppy, have a city residence and a country estate? Fans, it is not about the number of residences one keeps, or that number added to the number of rental properties one is responsible for. Instead, I wonder how, if Senator McCain does not know how many residences he keeps, then does he know how many pets he lives with? The campaign has indicated that the McCains have 24 pets. If the Senator cannot keep track of four houses, how, then, can he keep track of 24 pets? Has any one ever asked him to name all of his pets, and list their ages, genders, and species? Does he know -- one can only hope! -- what kinds of foods these pets eat?

Please do not think that I am committing the fallacy of equating good leadership with good pet stewardship. I, Poppy, am not a very rational or logical pug, but even I look to the current residences of the White House and see dogs who are blinded by love and loyalty to a person who -- to put this gently, as I, Poppy, so very often fail to do -- is a better leader of dogs than he is of men.

The example of the White House today lends excellent support to the idea that all leaders, despite their greatness, or lack thereof, need great pets. How, Fans, can a pet provide appropriate service to a leader when that leader does not know how many pets he has to begin with? It seems to me that this lack of knowledge, if proven, is a fundamental breach between guardian and pet. I, Poppy, go so far as saying that it undermines a sacred relationship.

For these reasons, I, Poppy, am seriously considering not giving McCain the nod.

Liberated

I, Poppy, am a very liberated pug. I do not discriminate on the basis of species, breed, race, creed, gender, or sexual orientation. My choice of veterinarian is an example of this openness and tolerance for all. He is a man.

I know. Male veterinarians are an endangered species. Not only did the number of female veterinarians move past male veterinarians in 2007, it seems that veterinary schools are now 75% female. No one knows why that is. Moreover, most of these ladies are opting to become small animal veterinarians, not large animal veterinarians.

But I am not concerned with why; I am more of a what pug. Dr. K is just like any girl veterinarian. He still lures me with sweet talk, sticks me with needles, sticks the thermometer into my ear, checks out my teeth, feels my sides, gives me a treat because I am a Good Girl. Such actions are no different from the women who have examined me. In fact, Dr. K may be even more sensitive than the ladies. He has never suggested I lose weight. Moreover, he leaves the anal gland expressing to people in the office who have smaller fingers. Such a gentleman.

I am a small animal. In fact, I could be classified with Piglet as a Very Small Animal. This demographic shift in choices of profession affects me personally. I, Poppy, am going on the record as being in favor of veterinary schools doing more to attract men to the profession. They are just as qualified as women. We cannot let sexism rule the day.