I, Poppy, Announce My Endorsement for President of the United States

It has been a very exciting election year for me. The Democratic National Convention was in my town, and I got to take a walk and see what it was all about. The conventioneers on the street liked me a lot. The anarchists were particularly fond of me. I did not really like the anarchists, though. I, Poppy, am all about law and order. I like to lay down the law, and if there is no order, I get anxious. The anarchists tried to pet me, but I was aloof.

Such behavior is atypical for me. I usually love everybody. I was having a bad time picking a candidate to endorse, as I always go up to everybody and kiss them or ask for a pet. I was even thinking about endorsing both candidates and Ralph Nader, too, because I have so much love to pass around.

But I am a dog, a pack animal. The rule about dogs is very simple, and has been passed down to humans by dog experts, like the Dog Whisperer and the Monks of New Skete. That rule is that we are always looking for a leader. We will follow any leader who presents himself, but if there is none present, we fill the gap by taking over. Simple. The need for direction in a dog takes precedence over the natural love that a dog feels. In fact, the love a dog has to give grows out of the direction that the dog is given.

I have applied this pack leader rule to the two presidential candidates, for what is this election about other than finding a pack leader for the United States?

Fans, John McCain is not a United States pack leader. He wants to cancel the debate with Barack Obama. What sort of behavior is this? He backs down from a fight at a crucial time? What if he needed to talk to say, Vladimir Putin, who is very scary? The United States needs a pack leader that it can hide behind when the big Russian dog walks down the street. (Much like I do when my mommy takes me for a walk and I see a big dog coming my way -- I walk behind her). I was also offended by the Hockey Mom whom he picked to be his running mate. She compared herself to a pit bull, which is utterly wrong. Pit bulls are more gentle. They are also smarter and know more about campaign finance than she does. Plus, they know when lipstick does nothing for them.

So I turn to Barack Obama and see a pack leader who does not back down from a fight. He is very tall, so we can hide behind him when Vladimir the Russian Mastiff breaks out of his yard. I, Poppy, know about submitting to the alpha dog, but there is no reason the alpha dog has to be mean, like Vladimir Putin. He can be nice, like my brother Duncan. Barack Obama is that sort of alpha dog. And we need that, as the United States is way on its way to omega. I mean it. It takes one to know one. Plus, he has little girls who I whom I would very much like to take me for a walk and play with me.

This is what I would do. I would vote Obama for America.