"Cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war...."
-- Julius Caesar

"Life...is a tale...full of sound and fury...."
-- Macbeth

"No woman can be too rich or too thin."
-- Wallis Simpson

"Let them eat cake."
-- Somebody, but not Marie Antoinette

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Barking at the Place Where Something Recently Was But is No Longer

This post is a response to TeacherRefPoet, who requested an IRRAC analysis of a common and necessary dog behavior.

I (issue): Whether something that has been in one spot will require me barking at the spot that even after that something has left the original spot.

R (rule): A dog's territory is everything within her line of vision, smell, hearing, reasonable jumping ability, and the extent of her imagination.

R (rationale): Because a dog moves, so does a dog's territory. For example, when I ride in the car, I must bark at people and things on the side of the road, as they have wandered into my territory. Sometimes there is food in my mommy's brief case. Sometimes there isn't, but I dig in there to try to find some. I am imagining that the food is in the brief case, so it becomes mine to dig through. The top of the sofa is mine. I'm going to sit there, even if you are sitting just below.

A (analysis): First, squirrels are of no interest to me. They do not have treats, nor can I catch them and shake them. Often, I pretend they are not there. Therefore, they are not in my territory. Second, children are a strange animal. They scream a lot. I must bark at them for such a time as I imagine they are out of my territory, or I have forgotten them, whichever comes first. Finally, I never bark as the postal carrier leaves. That is because she brings treats. I bark and then sit to command her to give me a treat. She passes it through the bars on the security door. Treats are her ticket into my territory.

C (conclusion): By barking loudly and consistently at what human beings think is nothing, I am able to control my surroundings.

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