"Cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war...."
-- Julius Caesar

"Life...is a tale...full of sound and fury...."
-- Macbeth

"No woman can be too rich or too thin."
-- Wallis Simpson

"Let them eat cake."
-- Somebody, but not Marie Antoinette

Saturday, January 24, 2009

I am hungry, but it isn't time for dinner. Mommy ignores me. I lie at her feet and whimper soft, plaintive whines like soft, far-off sirens.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Yes We Can

Mommy is making a snack. I want some, too. She says,"Pugs don't eat walnut butter." I respond. My message is clear and articulate. "Pugs will eat walnut butter if humans feed it to them."

Sunday, January 18, 2009

A Girlie Pug No Longer

When we moved in with the boys, I was a girlie pug. When the Big Guy would throw pieces of cheese in my direction, I would let it bounce off of my nose and then look for it on the floor. But I have gotten better. Now I am an athletic pug. My timing and eye-tooth coordination is much better. Now I can catch the cheese in my mouth.

Crate

My chewie was in my crate from last night when Mommy put me to bed. During the day the crate is open, but I don't like going near it. But with the chewie in the crate, I had to take desperate measures.

First, I barked at the chewie. Then, I leaned forward, gingerly, my back legs stretched out at behind me, and tried to grab the chewie. I jumped back. The gate didn't close automatically.

I leaned forward again, careful not to put more than one forepaw into the crate. I growled a little in frustration and jumped back again.

When the crate didn't suck me in and the gate close itself behind me, I barked again and lunged forward. I grabbed the chewie, and ran away from the crate. I tricked it.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

When Mommy makes eggs she gives us the yolks.

Today she brought out the eggs but then left them on the counter for a little while. I barked at them. They did not automatically crack and empty themselves into my bowl.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Winner

Apparently I have come in dead last in the Jon and Donna's 12th Annual Academy Awards Contest. This means that I am to receive the "Happy Gilmore" Prize, a batch of chocolate chip cookies made by my friend Lucy's daddy. I do not know what Happy Gilmore is, but I am very pleased to win this award because I would very much like to eat chocolate chip cookies. My mommy will have something to say about that, however.

I am also pleased because the Jon and Donna's Annual Academy Awards Contest is where I got my start as a commentator in cyberspace. I have come far.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

World of Riches

I found a tennis ball mine. There are endless numbers of tennis balls there. There is a lady there who takes them out and gives them to you.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Resolutions

Happy 2009 to all my fans! I don't really know when 2009 started, but it must have been recently, because I have lately been subjected to several new regimens in an effort to make me the Best Pug I Can Be.

Note that I have been subjected to such regimens. I, Poppy, am not an introspective or spiritual pug, and do not really care if I am the Best Pug I Can Be. I live, resolutely, in the material world. As long as you give me treats and tummy rubs, I am okay.

Self-improvement is not a part of my philosophy of life. If you don't give me treats and tummy rubs, it is your problem, and I will tell you that. Loudly.

My parents are the introspective and spiritual beings in the house. (Duncan is spiritual, but not introspective). They are about self-improvement and dog improvement. (Read pug-improvement -- Duncan is being made to do nothing). I am really not crazy about human self-improvement, as it causes my parents to be away a lot, thus making my feeding schedule erratic. I am okay with part of the pug-improvement plan, and not okay with the other part.

Two resolutions have been made for me: 1. More walks. 2. No accidents in the house.

I have to have more walks because I am a round pug. My mommy figures that if people at risk of obesity can improve their health by taking more walks, then pugs at risk of obesity will also improve by walking. I don't care why we go. I like to walk. Sniffing is good, too.

The second resolution requires making me change some habits that I acquired when we came to live with the boys. This is not so fun. Where I used to get the run of the house at night, now I have to be crated. I am a good girl and do not complain, but I don't like it. Notice that being the Best Pug I Can Be is not the same as Free to Be You and Me. I am a cunning and sneaky pug, and my parents don't trust me.