Socratic Dialogue: Sneakiness

Setting: A cold, snowy day. The kitchen. Just after Mommy and the Big Guy have left for work.

Duncan: The Lady Who Dotes and The Guy Who Feeds Me forgot to put up the garbage. The chicken bones from last night smell so delicious. I know you can smell them. Get out of the way, Little Dog. I need to open the cupboard.

Penelope: Those bones smell delicious. If I had your nose, I’d be opening up the cupboard, too. My mouth is watering. I can’t wait for you to get it open. However, I can’t help thinking that this is a bad thing we are doing.

Duncan: Little Dog, what are you suggesting? I don’t like it.

Penelope: I am suggesting that maybe it isn’t a good idea to do this.

Duncan: Why, can’t you smell the bones?

Penelope: I can, but that’s not what I am struggling with here. (And you know that I am an impatient pug and hate to struggle). I’m interested in why you don’t get into the garbage when the Ones With Thumbs are home. Tell me, when the Ones With Thumbs are home, do you still want to get into the garbage?

Duncan: Of course. They keep delicious stuff in there. Last week The Guy Who Feeds Me put Chinese takeout in there.

Penelope: So, you want what is in the garbage when they are home. But I have observed you get into the garbage and take what you want only when they are not home. Is this observation correct?

Duncan: Yes.

Penelope: So what is the difference between when they are home and when they are not home? Why do you choose to take the food out of the cupboard when they are not home?

Duncan: Because if I did it when they were home, there is a better chance that they would see me do it.

Penelope: So you don’t want them to see you do it?

Duncan: Really, I don’t want to get punished. When I get into the garbage, they yell “No! No!” and then put me outside and do not look at me until the mess is cleaned up.

Penelope: So you don’t do it when they are at home because you don’t want to be punished?

Duncan: Yes.

Penelope: Why don’t you think they will punish you when they get home?

Duncan: Don’t you get it? They won’t know it’s me who’s doing it if they don’t see me doing it.

Penelope: So what you are telling me is that you are one way when the Ones With Thumbs are home, and another way when they are not?

Duncan: Yes, that’s right.

Penelope: So you are saying that you pretend to be a good dog when you are around the Ones With Thumbs, but it really doesn’t matter to you if you are a good dog when they can’t see you?

Duncan: Right. By pretending, I minimize the risk of being punished and maximize the reward of being adored.

Penelope: So tell me, who is the real Duncan?

Duncan: What do you mean?

Penelope: Who is the real you? The dog who is good and obedient when the Ones With Thumbs are around, or the dog who disobeys them just because they are gone for the day?

Duncan: I am uncomfortable with your insinuations, Little Dog. What are you accusing me of?

Penelope: I am not accusing you of anything. I am not trying to pick a fight, because we both know who would win -- you, Big Dog. I’m just wondering, who is the real Duncan?